She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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