i was born a porn star she said
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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