they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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