Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
