i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
