we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize