i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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