i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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