if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
