She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
