I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
