Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
