I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
