What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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