so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
