Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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