is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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