There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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