my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
