His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
