i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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