I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sponge bath it is.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can't put those talents on a resume
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
