can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
