The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
