I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
