Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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