1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
