He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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