WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
