he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
