I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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