I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
