it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
