i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
