thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
