You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize