It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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