for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
