today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
