she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
