Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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