UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
