he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
