If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
