First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
