I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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