Having a random hookup so left but love u
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
