I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
