I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
