You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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