we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
