Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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