Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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