that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
