I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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