oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
