No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
