just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he thought i was a dude.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
