I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
