I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
