Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
