im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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