My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
