she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
