i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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