I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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