I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
