I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
