Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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