Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
babies were throwing up all over the place
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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