Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
