apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
