vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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