You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
